How Friendships With Married Men Become Affairs
From the beginning, he tells you what a great friend you are — and how nice
it is to finally meet someone he can talk to. You eat it up, thinking to
yourself, “Yes, talking. That’s all we’re doing…”
Then suddenly things change. He seems different. Before you know it, he makes
his move. He springs it upon you ever so slyly, making you feel special;
making you feel unique. He’ll say things like, “Wow, my wife just doesn’t
listen to me like you do.” Or, “She just doesn’t understand me. And it’s
really nice to be with a woman that does.”
He’ll tell you this over a glass of Tempranillo as he looks longingly into
your eyes, sweetly brushing a stray hair from your face. It’s kryptonite for
the nurturing woman. And it kind of sounds like a date. A date with a married
man.
Sure, on the surface, he looks like the All-American dad. On the surface, he
looks like a great husband. He tells everybody that it’s OK his marriage isn’t
passionate. He’s grown so much as an individual he thinks he doesn’t need
wild, fulfilling sex anymore. He’d rather have somebody that’s a great mother
than someone with great passion because “passion dies.”
He’s convinced himself of this.
And it’s sad because he’s trying to convince himself he’s in a relationship he
wants. But really, he’s unhappy. He’s lonely, and he sees you as an
opportunity for escape. You deserve more than that; you’re better than an
escape route.
So, how do you spot this guy right from the beginning? Well, he’s usually the
man who immediately wants to be your “friend.” Yet, these men are never just
friends with women. They’re only friends with women they’re attracted to.
That’s how it starts. It all begins with a mental or emotional affair. He’ll
frame your interaction as harmless business. For example: “Hey, let’s have a
business dinner,” or “Hey, let’s grab a drink after work.” He’ll flirt with
you in ways that seem all so innocent. But let me tell you something: this so
called “happily married man” is not happy.
He’s going to flirt with you innocently. He’s going to send you little texts
to tell you he read an article or saw something that reminded him of you, and
it’s all going to seem so “friendshipy” — almost like you met a good female
friend. But in reality, he’s planting the seed for your future affair.
He’ll even tell his wife about the great friendship the two of you have. He’ll
bring it out in the open because he doesn’t want to believe he’s actually
going to cheat. I’ve met many of these guys. They talk such a good game, but
they’re living a compromised existence. They wanted something from life but
never truly believed that they could have everything. Now they find themselves
“stuck” in an unfulfilling life, settling for less than what they know is
possible.
Beware of this. Never fall for their flattery. They’re not going to leave
their wives. They’re looking for an affair, whether it is mental, emotional,
physical or all three. Ask yourself what it is you want, and why you desire
men you can’t have. Maybe there is a tiny bit of loneliness and lack of
fulfillment within you, and that’s what is attracting men in similar
situations.
Look at the people who are coming into your life as signposts for what is
going on inside of you. If you find yourself excited by the overly friendly
man in the wedding ring, consider whether you have some internal issues to
work out.
And then run. Preferably in the direction of available men not hampered down
by preexisting relationships!
This is a sensitive topic. I can already imagine a lot of women running away
but let me just state that we are not going to restrict this to women because
men also cheat with married women and in fact that is becoming more and more
popular nowadays. If we don’t talk about this, we’ll never understand it
better. I’m not here to solve the problems of the world, nope, we have God for
that. What I hope to today today is that through HONEST dialogue, we’ll all be
able to understand a little more, how these things happen.
Tell us your story, or your friends story. How did it happen, what could you
have done differently etc. As for those who haven’t experienced this first
hand, I’m sure we all plan to get married someday and no matter how convinced
you are that your husband will cheat because that’s just what men do, you
can’t tell me it won’t hurt if and when you find out. Will the hurt drive you
into another man’s arms? How easy is it to run from a strong emotional
connection? You know the drill, use the comment box to express you.
Source:
TheNakedConvos
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