My Experience at a Secret Gay Wedding in Lagos

Bimbo Adetokunbo (not real name) relays her experience at an exotic gay wedding in Lagos. She also shares the stories of her close shave with lesbianism, the pressure, threats and attractions with Gboyega Alaka and Omolewa Oshin.

IT was an all-pink affair early March. All the girls were in pink bum shorts and rise and fall cropped top – that was the dress code. The atmosphere was surreal, with sensual lights, music, dance, rich perfume and sweat mingling. Wine and food was also in abundance; shawarma, asun, cake. Chicken barbecue… The celebration in the air was also unmistakable.

At the centre of it all were Tope and Tola (not real names), two women who found love and comfort in each other’s arms and decided to quit the pretences, damn the consequences and get married. Although it is common knowledge that same sex relationship and marriage is outlawed and punishable with up to 14 years imprisonment in the country, this couple was beyond caring, as they revelled in the joy of their day, exchanging vows. Another woman, also a lesbian, served as officiating minister and blessed the union. They also exchanged wedding bands in the form of exquisite ear rings and thereafter went into a frenzy of kisses and endless cuddling.

As if taking a cue, all the gay lovers in attendance also went into a frenzy of applause, cheers and kisses.

The wedding took place at a popular nightclub on Victoria Island, Lagos, and the couple, who are obviously from very comfortable backgrounds, wowed all present by capping it up with a presentation of exotic cars to each other as wedding gifts. The party went on until early the next morning, when the couple drove away in each other’s arms to their hotel room at the prestigious Eko Hotel and Suites, and guests sauntered away in trickles after wearing themselves out in a most exhausting bout of fun.

To tell the truth, it was probably the most exciting party I’ve been to in a long time. Even the nightclub staff and other people who had come on their own couldn’t help but join us, seeing the wild fun excitement in the air.

Like in normal wedding, both couple considered themselves the luckiest people on earth, having found best friends in each other. Tope could not hide her feelings and actually confided in some us, who are very close to her that the day was her most memorable so far, because she was not only hooking her best friend, but also her confidant. They generally exuded that familiar joy found amongst normal wedding couples. In their joy, they urged all present to enjoy all the food and drinks.

The party was organised by their gay friends, who felt compelled to host a wonderful bash for the ‘delightful couple’. Other gay lovers were also present in abundance, both the men and the lesbians.

Tope is a final year accounting student of a frontline private university in Ogun State, while Tola is a final year student of a federal government institution in Lagos. Somehow, they both looked set for a fulfilled family life, except that, as an outsider who got invited plainly on the level of my closeness to them, I kept wondering how they hope to make a life, and more importantly, make babies.

But from the look of things and the celebration on the night, that worry seemed not to be on their radar at all.

The whole gay thing

You may wonder and rightly so too, why I felt so comfortable in the midst of gay people, when I’m not. Well, I’m not gay, but it has taken me a lot of determination and will-power to resist and weather the temptations they throw at me. I attend the same private university with Tope in Ogun State. Tope was my roommate in school in year one, and a very jolly one too except for this gay thing. In fact, my five roommates were all lesbians, except for me. And it was not for lack of trying that they didn’t win me over. As a buxom lady, they all seem to have eyes for my body, and you could tell that they’d do anything to get me into their beds. They tried all tricks possible to lure me into lesbianism, promising me all the excitement possible and the fact that I only need to try it out to know why it is the fad today. But I stood my ground.

My reason? I just couldn’t bring myself to doing it with them, because that’s just not who I am. Often, they’d grab me and steal touches at my sensitive parts, all in the name of playing with me. Sometimes, they’d rush into the bathroom with me and start fondling me, but usually I smile and laugh over it, because I understand their plight and because they were not getting to me.

Besides, I’ve never had any feeling or affection for girls, and before you could really engage in lesbianism or lesbian sex with a fellow woman, you really must love the person. As I speak to you, the only woman I love is my grandmother, and of course falling in love with her in that skewed manner is not even in my wildest imagination, nor possible.

Also, the biblical verse that says one of the greatest sin anyone could commit is having sexual relationship with same sex, kept ringing in my head, and strengthened my resolve not to be a part of it.

But I maintained my relationship with them, because we were roommates anyway, and even if I moved away from that room, there was no guarantee that I would not meet more desperate ones where I was going.

Same sex relationship here to stay

To tell the truth, same sex has come to stay, even in this part of the world, as they seem to be swelling in ranks by the day. Even back in my secondary school, lesbianism had been the in-thing amongst students in boarding house. Although I was an innocent little girl, I still suspected that what they were doing was wrong each time they were at it, and I somehow distanced myself from it. I was sexually harassed by seniors who wanted to initiate me, and some even tried to force me through threats. But I resisted. Even my school mother was a lesbian don’t know if she still is.

It wasn’t until I got into the university that I began to really understand what it was they were doing. Prior to that time, I only just felt it was not right and nauseating. Besides, I was sixteen and had become more perceptive. It had also reached an alarming rate and level, way beyond what I witnessed in secondary school.

So as the only straight person in my room, I was the odd one out. They engaged in open cuddling, sex and all, without giving any recourse to me. I think they somehow felt comfortable with me, even though I refused to be drawn into their ‘sexcapades.’

They do things together, eat together, reff together (reff is a slang for indulging in Refnol drug or Rohypnol), which sort of gets them high. I think it helps them get maximum satisfaction in their escapades.

As we became closer and they got more comfortable with me, I summoned the courage to ask them what they derive from lesbianism and why they couldn’t just conform to the natural order of heterosexuality.

One of them, Sylvia, told me that she got inducted by her aunt (her mum’s sister), who used to abuse her, from when she was a toddler, right through to her teenage years, until she began to enjoy it and suddenly feels nothing for male overtures. Now, she’s hooked and actually believes it is heavenly and most satisfying.

Another, Vivian, said she was raped by her male cousin early in her teenage years and therefore developed hatred and aversion towards men. Because that rape experience was painful, she came to believe that sex with men is painful, while it is gentle and sensual with fellow women.

For Temi (short for Temitope), she got into it as a result of peer pressure. She was introduced to lesbianism back in secondary school, and has found it pleasurable ever since. The fact that lesbians are not in short supply in the university also further entrenched her into it. Now, only god can extricate her from it.

And my fourth roommate, the newly ‘married’ Tope, said she had always been caged at home and never allowed to go out and have a taste of the world, except when going out with either or both her parents. So her first full independent outing was to the university, where unfortunately, she found herself in the midst of lesbians, who wasted no time in wooing her over.

Five years down the line, she has got so deep into lesbianism and decided it was the only way for her. Following her marriage to Tola, it is left to be seen whether she can ever get out of this ‘quagmire’. Time will tell.

My close shave

To tell the truth, they have never stopped making passes at me. I also find that there are more lesbians that many of us who consider it appalling and sinful may be able to imagine. Usually they approach me, ogling all over me and telling they like me as a total package.

I have also been tempted more than once. You know how it is when your tempters never stop.

On one such occasion, my boyfriend just left me and I was suffering a heartbreak. They saw that I was sad and brooding and tried to console me in their own way. They couldn’t understand why I wanted to die over a guy, whom they consider a mere wood, and told me as much. They also seized that opportunity to get closer to me and further give their life-long ambition a try. To tell the truth, I almost began to respond, but held back at the last minute.

Another close shave for me was more recently, when I met a woman on Lagos mainland who, asked me out. She wanted me to be her girlfriend. Because I had heard that she was an incorrigible lesbian, who had even initiated her daughters, I vehemently resisted her offer of friendship, even when she promised to regularly give me N250,000 as pocket money whenever I am going back to school.

When my friends heard the story, they all told me off and thoroughly insulted me; but I stood my ground. Later they begged me to introduce them to her, which I did. It’s their business if they want to mess around.

But not long after, I found myself in a dire financial situation and thought of her. I actually went to look for her, hoping secretly that she would show interest in me again, but she didn’t. I later learnt that she has found herself another lover.

The evil money can do, you may say, but thank God she found herself another lover.

Money, a big incentive

Aside my own story of how money almost swayed my resolve, I can tell you authoritatively that most converts to lesbianism are almost always swayed by the money incentive their ‘toasters’ dangle before them.

Usually, the richer girls, who are already deep into it woo innocent girls by toasting them like a man would a woman, and then they proceed to make irresistible promises once they notice that you’re giving them a listening ear, but not sure of yourself. How many indigent girls would be able to say ‘no’ to regular pocket money, good life, the pleasure of sex and the safety of pregnancy? Don’t forget, you can never get pregnant. So at home, you’re still the little homely mummy’s girl. Most times, when your partner even comes visiting at home, when you’re on holidays, your parents allow her into your room, and leave you both to ‘enjoy some privacy’.

Sometimes they even permit the girls to go spend days with each other, not knowing that they are lovers. So often, the girls get lured by money. It is a really big attraction. And once you’re hooked, you’re hooked.

Men, as logs

I also hear them say that sex with fellow female is more exciting and fulfilling, in the sense that they open even their hearts to each other. So it goes beyond mere sexual intimacy. They complain that men are like logs of wood, while it is more sensual with fellow women. They claim that only a woman can understand a female body; where to touch to get maximum pleasure and all that; whereas men only come with their usual mad rush and fizzle out in two minutes.

To tell the truth, the way they talk about it is always very tempting.

Now, it does not matter whether the government frowns at gay relationship or that there is a law stipulating long prison sentences, these people seek themselves out and have great fun. To have sex, they now use sex toys. They also do mouth job until they reach orgasm and climax.

Today, technology has made things easier. There is a group called Lesbian-gay bisexual transgender, through which they fight for their rights in public. They connect through this group. They also connect online through BBM, facebook, and at strippers’ clubs. And when they connect, they make friends and then subsequently engage in sex.

Usually it starts by them getting familiar; and then they come with the line, ”Are you into girls?”

So you see, they seek each other out and do their thing. They also fight for each other and even go to stations to bail themselves, when they run into trouble.

Like in the case of Tope and Tola, it sometimes results in marriage, or they may end up living as live-in lovers for as long as they can. As we speak, I can tell you that another wedding is in the offing.

Are parents aware?

Maybe, maybe not. How do you want to begin to suspect your daughter or sister with her female friend? It is hard, unless of course you got wind of the fact that her new friend is a lesbian, or you are also an enlightened parent and know the signs.

However, some parents are fully aware and condone it, since they are also into it or have been into it before. Some parents even consider it harmless. The lady I said proposed to me and promised me huge money has two teenage daughters, whom she has introduced to lesbianism already. She practically groomed them for lesbianism by instilling hatred for men in them.

Back to Tope and Tola

Tope met Tola through her friend, also a lesbian. She saw her picture, liked it, begged to be connected, and then it took off from there. Gradually they became inseparable and became engaged. They courted for four years and then announced that they were getting married. Of course they could not announce it openly, since it is against the law, but they passed the information through their friends and clique and it went round.

They live together now in the exclusive Banana Island Estate. Like I told you, they are daughters of powerful people and they can afford all the luxuries of life.

[By Gboyega Alaka and Omolewa Oshin, The Nation]