Why Most Men Don’t Forgive Their Cheating Wife- STUDY

A married man might be hearing dirty stuffs about his wife and still keep his cool, but the day he catches her in the act, one way or the other, everything changes.  

In her lone moments, 38yrs old Kolawole Busola, (real name withheld) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of a bad guy Daniels, a colleague at work.

Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who travels frequently without much time for romance for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.

How did she land in bed with the guy? Her undoing was sharing her worries with a male colleague who she thought would offered wise counsel but he saw her as opportunity for free s*x. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.

Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having s*x. They did that more than once, and it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.

Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been sleeping with another man the day he picked his wife’s phone and saw her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to send her away.

They would have celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary two weeks ago, like they did when it was 10 years, but that celebration was the last thing on their mind that day. Their marriage was already on a fast lane to hit the rocks since the day he found out about his wife’s infidelity.

The union that many admired, on its face value perhaps because they are rich, is getting worse by the day, and not even the pleas and explanations that Busola is dying to offer would make any difference.

Furious Babatope has made up his mind on sending her out of the house, because according to him, the sin committed by his wife was unforgiveable. He had told her, “I can forgive and overlook anything, but not infidelity from my wife. I can never forgive that. So, she has to go.”

Meanwhile, Busola recalled that she had also caught him chatting a lady before and she had to forgive him and that they resolved it after her husband offered some explanation. She started claiming right that now it’s her turn, she can’t reconcile herself with the fact that her loving husband couldn’t forgive her.

The union is blessed with three children; two boys and a girl, but that does not seem like a sufficient reason for him to halt his decision to send her out of his life for good to go be with her play boy lover.

The Intervention

Truly, the thought of a cheating wife can be unsettling. Also, Busola’s experience is not strange; it is in fact the reality for some women. Even though men have always been seen to have more than one woman in our culture, these days some women want to compete with their husband on that, secretly though.

Understandably and for good reasons, a wife’s infidelity in marriage is unacceptable, and it has previously been identified as one of the most common reasons for failed marriages.

This might sound unfair to the females, but that seems to be the case in many parts of the world.

Why is it that men find it difficult to forgive their partners if caught cheating?

According to a British Psychotherapist, Philip Hodson, men often find it more difficult to forgive such for the fact that it affects their masculinity, and to them, it might signal the end of the relationship.

Hodson, who is also a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, said, “Men find it much harder to forgive their partners for cheating. For a betrayed woman, an affair by the man is an offence against her dignity, but for a betrayed man, a woman’s infidelity is an offence against his manhood. It goes right to the core of his identity.”