How to Have a Happy Marriage

Category: Relationship Matters

Marriage is very sweet and interesting if people involved are truthful, and not just committed but obey the rules. Who says there is no rule in marriage? When I say rule, I don not mean a written rule like hanging some laws and orders in your sitting room-NO!

But every family, every spouses must live in orderly manner if their marriage and family must be successful. Spouses must have great respect for each other, in all that pertains to them individually and collectively in terms of spiritual, financial, emotional, romance and all.

While there is no specific rules of engagement, spouses must ensure to observe these three in their marriages;

1- There should be rules:

Many couples started as friends, they probably met as friends before they got married. There are rare situations where people have not being friends first before they marry. Though some certain friends puts boundaries in their relationship, but there are tendencies for friends to take each other other for-granted, this may work sometimes, because such friends don't live under the same roof and may not really have any reasons to see each other every single day. But it is different in marriage, therefore even when you start as friends you must learn to observe your boundaries.

Some couples find it difficult to set this boundaries because they both have their own ways of of doing their things, they both come from different families where they were doing things in different ways.

The couple must therefore create some boundaries and rules that will guide them in their marriages. Creating this rules however is not easy, but this has to be done. 

Both couple must agree on ways that their marriage would work. An individual in the marriage, be it the man or woman, should never take a sole decision on matters that affects them as individual or as couple and even a family. 

If one of the couple is found of always wanting things or situations to always go in their favor or in their own ways, then it would be difficult for such a marriage to work. 

Selfishness is one of the easiest things that can destroy a marriage; selfishness can be emotional, financial, etc.

For your marriage to work, think of things that first attracted you to your spouse, those qualities your marriage partner possess that you appreciate. Try to have a good heart towards your spouse, be open! These are a few rules you must observe in your marriage if it must work.

 

2- Both spouses are leaders in the marriage:

There's truly no particular leader in the marriage, both must work to ensure the success the of the marriage and the family. A lot of people, particularly women are not comfortable when you mention that a woman should be submissive. Yes the bible talks about a woman being submissive but does not entirely said only the woman should be submissive. 

Ephesians 5:21.“… submitting to one another in the fear of God”. With the fear of God in mind, each couple must learn to agree especially when there is a dispute about an opinion or in taking some certain decisions, no one is completely right. Both must come to an agreement, and take the decision they both agree on. 

The man should not say because I'm the one providing for the family, then my decision must be the final, same for the woman too. They should learn to discuss the situation, they can go online and research or seek professional advice. They should both go through their thoughts with the purpose of coming to an agreement, not one person thinking of wining. It should always be, "we both won", because it is a collective effort, towards achieving a collective result!

Couples are equal partners making decisions in marriage. Responsibilities must be divided up. There should be policies, procedures, and rules in order to work cooperatively as well as independently.

Both will enjoy working together when they know each other better and gain confidence in each other’s decision-making ability. Forging a new way of life from different backgrounds takes time and patience.

Remember, partners are equal. You are both vitally interested in all areas of the marriage. As in a business, consult with each other and participate in making decisions and reviewing them.

Ensure that roles and duties are assigned to each partner from raising money, home management, handling business etc, each person must be assigned what they can do diligently, it must be agreed on. Regardless of what you do, where you work, all your plans must be "family plan". You must incorporate your profession into your family plan", that is the only way your marriage can work!

One thing you should however note is that, in every situation, there must surely be a lead, especially when all has been done and there is a deadlock, one person is left to make that decision, and that is the man- the man has the last word. He has two options: 1) make the decision himself, or 2) ask his wife to make it.

Some seemingly easy decisions can become complicated. There are no clear-cut solutions. But when the decisions are made, the issues are settled. You go on from there. However the person who is leading settles the deadlock, both must submit to the decision and do all in their power to make it work.

3- There is no need for competition, because both are working towards achieving a single goal, that is why it is family. When there is competition between spouses this also go a long way in affecting even their children. Some situations where a man gives an instruction to the children on some decisions or things to do in the home or family and the children or child disobeys and is shielded by the mother, or the woman gives an instruction and husband gives a counter-instruction, can lead to a serious problem in such a marriage or family.

Competition among spouses is so unhealthy and very destructive to their marriage. Couples must always agree in decision taking in their homes if their marriages must succeed